The Bachelor

© RCV Film Distribution BV

The one thing that differentiates this film remake from the Buster Keaton original ("Seven Chances") is humor. Funny is not the word for it.

Jimmie Shannon (Chris O'Donnell) feels like a wild stallion raging through the open fields as he watches his buddies getting roped, one after the other, by the lovely mares leading them to the altar. Jimmie can't find it in his robust libido to commit to one woman, even when he finds one he might be in love with. His grandfather (Peter Ustinov) mumbles oddly in the garden about the importance of fathering families and continuing the generation game shortly before he kicks the bucket. The surprise he has in store for the young colt is revealed on a videotaped testament wherein he announces that little Jimmie must find a suitable (or unsuitable) bride before his thirtieth birthday (more to the point, within 27 hours) or forfeit a \$100 million inheritance. Jimmie really gets a gallopin' at the thought of this predicament. Shucks, looks like he's gonna have to tie the rope himself. Inviting his main squeeze to dinner at a chic rooftop restaurant renowned for proposals, Jimmie places his cards and a ring on the table and tells adorable Anne (Renee Zellweger) that she's won. Sweet Anne, upon hearing this announcement, exits immediately without even eating a morsel and leaves Jimmie holding the check. Now it's time for him to chase down all his ex-girl friends as well as approaching some bright new potentials. But, one by one (Brooke Shields, Mariah Carey, Katharine Towne, Jennifer Esposito, Stacy Edwards, Sarah Silversmith, and Rebecca Cross), the ladies refuse, whatever the ruse. Even the cold-hearted deb solely interested in the cash (Brooke Shields) finds the thought of sharing several years and one childbirth with this movie's elusive hero too much to bear. Jimmie is nearing the end of his rope when he discovers he's lucky (or unlucky) enough to have a good friend with a trick or two up his own sleeve. How about trying a personal ad in the newspapers for good measure? Before Jimmie can duck into the nearest church, he finds he's got women galore flying at the heels of his standard black patent leather lace-up shoes.

So why?
Let's accept the fact that an innocent curlicue smile twirling below a cute red head is nowhere near effective enough to approach the comic power of the Great Stone Face. So why attempt the impossible, aided solely by a bad script and a worse performance? Bat Fever?

Mssr. O'Donnell not only stars in this sorry excuse for a raucous romp, but functioned as executive producer on the project as well. (Some others might have taken time for second thoughts.) One can only assume that he must have wanted to see a 1,000 women imploring for his hand in marriage during the final scene, only to reject them for true love (?) That's show biz.

Billowing bride gowns, Batman, who would have ever thought there would be so many ladies chasing this dude around town!

© 1994-2006 The Green Hartnett